The bride on the brittle side of 40 has many questions that would never occur to her 20-something partners in tulle. These aren’t obvious questions about her sanity, or her failure to learn during previous forays into marital minefields. No, these questions are indigenous in finding appropriate ways to conduct a life-changing event , which, if she makes the wrong decision, could come back to haunt her before death actually does. After choosing a plastic surgeon, however, she is free to concentrate on the details of her wedding, and, if she hasn’t done so already, in rustling up a groom.
The Ides of Brides
Before accepting the congratulations of friends, family, ex-husbands, stepchildren, ex-in-laws (or out-laws), future ex-husbands, and faithful domestics, a mature bride has many things to consider before reaching the state of wedded risk (Nevada). First, she must pick a month and a date for the wedding to occur.
Many mature grooms pop the question and fail to note the passage of time whizzing by until, if the matter is left up to them, decades pass in a succession of stag parties, resulting in nothing of his capital gains but an outlay of blue satin garter belts. A bride must takes steps and spread the word of the impending nuptials, as quickly as possible. The groom is bound to catch on, eventually.
What month is best for the mature bride to march down the aisle? The season is a key factor. One definitely doesn’t want to choose winter. Winter has a “been, there, done that, withered while doing it” air that a bride definitely does not want to invoke. On the other hand, summer, is an unfortunate choice, casting about desperately for clothes cool enough to withstand the heat, yet subsisting of enough surface area to require the cover up of sweat, wattles and wrinkles. Autumn and spring are perfect choices for the mature bride indicating beginnings and endings of which the wedding is first one and then the other.
The date itself should correspond to an easily remembered number, such as March 14th. Some may say the Ides of March, the day Caesar was betrayed and then slaughtered by his best friend, is a hideous choice for a joyful event. It has the advantage, however, of being easy to remember, and of leaving it’s horrible reputation nowhere to go, but up. A bride doesn’t want to get married on February 14th for God’s sake. Whether the marriage takes or it doesn’t, she may very well have brought a national holiday to a matrimonial standstill by putting too much pressure on a husband already casting about for a way to feel sexy about a steel-encased foundation garment.
The Engagement Photo
Publishing a picture in the newspaper is passé, especially for the mature bride who has seen the damage a stark black and white photo can do to even the most staunchly ironed visage that Botox can buy. Instead, mature couples post their engagement photos on Facebook. A bride can post general information, not necessarily true, about the bride and groom, including age, income, present address, and number of cats presently living in the household who have agreed to take part in the wedding attendance (Skittles and Sneakers).
If the groom’s family is still living, send them an “Add Friend” request, and be sure to change the relationship status to, “It’s Complicated.”
